Bipolar Christianity - Oxymoron?

A bipolar Christian tries to find her way.


Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Head Shrinker
mercurial_one1

So, I'm back from getting my head shrunk but, oddly, it doesn't feel smaller. As a matter of fact, I'm feeling a bit manic and that's always a "big" feeling. I'm debating if I should just ride it out or take a zanax.
 
True to my word, I discussed Mike & Mark today... My relationship with both and where I am as of now. I told her how wonderful Mikey was. I told her that Mark was an asshole. I told her that I'm in love with Mark. I told her that I'm not in love with my husband. We discussed sex... my sex drive... compatibility (Or lack of it) in each relationship... and, wonder of wonders, I told her about my interest and history with BDSM.
 
I felt like I was talking to my grandmother and saying, "Do you know what BDSM is?" and then having to TELL her was quite humiliating. Sort of funny, sort of painful. lol I went through the whole thing about my interest being the psycho-sexual aspect more than just the kinky sex thing. I told her - you gotta love me for this - that I'm not only into it but I'm quite *good* at it. She took it all in stride - I love this woman.
 
The long and short of today's session was that she wants me to do some thinking about why I'm pursuing my own death. Say what? I mean, I'd have understood her point better if she was talking about the suicide attempt but she wasn't.
 
What she said, basically, is that me going back to Mark every time - regardless of what he does to me - is me pursuing my own destruction. I told her that I freely admit that I'd made the decision that it was worth the risk and that I'm more than happy to admit that that is nuts. She thinks i'ts more than that.
 
I definitely have some things to think about... Including whether or not I accept this hypothesis. She could be wrong but I'm willing to entertain the idea for a while and see what I think about it; I'm certainly not UNwilling to admit to being screwed up so I'll more than likely accept this as truth if it does turn out to be right.
 
Pursuing my own death.

 


?

Log in